My letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

I’ve been a well-behaved good decent “good at it” girl this year.  I don’t ask for much generally, but I decided this year I would write a list as to what I want for 2013.

It doesn’t have to all appear in my stocking, but deliveries throughout the year would be much appreciated.  So here goes:

Bernard Tomic to make the Australian Open semi finals

There’s no denying the kid has talent.  Unfortunately, there’s no denying the kid has attitude as well.  After being publicly adored for a few days during last year’s campaign, the new Super Brat crashed and burned pretty spectacularly on the Gold Coast, setting a new record for going from hero to zero.  Maybe 2013 is the year that he grows up.  It would be even more spectacular if he made the final, played off against Andy Murray and defeated him.

Even better, Santa, just have the 2012 US Open annulled as a Grand Slam.  That would make it all better.

Meatloaf to be the Superbowl entertainment

If only so Australia don’t look so lame with their choice of entertainer a few years ago.  Yes, I am still raw.

Oh, and if you can manage to get the Pats over the line, I’d be much appreciative. Yes. I support the New England Patriots.  It’s the only time I ever support a team involving anything with “England” in it, outside of a world war against the Germans.

The US Masters to be won by someone with as cool a name as Bubba Watson

When Forrest Gump is one of your favourite movies, having Bubba win the US Open was one of the highlights of the golf year for me, particularly given the sudden death playoff situation with Louis Oosthuizen.  It was probably a good thing – after all, we couldn’t have it won by Saffas two years in a row, could we?

After Charl Schwartzel the year before (try saying his name when you’ve had a little too much Christmas cheer, anyone outside of the Republic), it would be a joy to have a names trifecta.

Miami Heat to NOT win the NBA Championship

I don’t care if you have Sacramento, the LA Clippers or even the Timberwolves to get up.  Just not Miami.  Please.

I’m not a fan for buying championships at the best of times, but understand in this day and age it is tolerable.  However, the whole hoo-haa around Le Bron’s “The Decision” of several years ago still reminds me of that little rich kid wanting more attention to… oh wait.  That’s exactly what it was.

A horse to take out the US Triple Crown (Kentucky Derby, Preakness Stakes and Belmont Stakes)

It hasn’t been done since 1978, when Affirmed took out the three great races, but there’s been some close calls.  2012 was robbed of having the chance to see I’ll Have Another take out the three races when he was scratched pre race due to tendonitis.  It was possibly the closest the world has come to seeing the feats of horses such as Citation, Assault and the great Secretariat; and we were robbed.

If there was any chance that it could be an Aussie horse take out the race Santa, I’d consider that icing on the cake.

Patrice Evra to come out and say that Luis Suarez isn’t all that bad after all

This may be asking for more than what you can deliver, Santa, but I’m honestly over this whole Man United kak that surfaces EVERY TIME Liverpool play them.

We know the history.  Suarez has a reputation.  Big deal – so does Bill Clinton, but I’m sure he didn’t bang every intern that walked into the Oval Office.  And Man United are hardly the golden child themselves.  Not that anyone in the FA would recognise that.

Le Tour to be drug free

Beyond a shadow of a doubt.  So that in 20 years time, I don’t wake up in the middle of the night, sobbing about how a man that I considered to be one of the greatest athletes of all time could have potentially fooled us all. (*Note – I say “potentially” because I hold some very small glimmer of hope that this is all just a huge real-life version of Punkd and Ashton Kutcher is going to come out saying “GOTCHA!” to the world).

I mean, really. Is it THAT hard to win a race and not be on drugs?  I know it’s a difficult and gruelling circuit, but REALLY?

Australia to win back the Ashes in England

There’s one thing that I will spit poison about until the day I die, and that was witnessing the performance of the sprinkler dance on the hallowed turf of the MCG.  How DARE they.  I can think of nothing better than to win back the Ashes, in England, just to really shove it in their faces.

England lost their number one test world ranking to the Proteas, they’ve had internal controversies with Kevin Pietersen and the third most spectacular thing would be to lose to Oz on home soil.  I’m almost salivating thinking of the prospect.

After all, South Africans are the WORST type of Poms.

The Melbourne Rebels to finish top of the Australian conference log

It’s time.  With a line-up bearing the names Beale, O’Connor, Higginbotham, Delve et al, season 2013 of Super Rugby looks to be a strong one for the newest Australian franchise.  The inclusion of the Southern Kings into the South African conference at the expense of the Jo’burg Lions will be debated all year without doubt – so now is the time to slip under the radar.

The boys proved that they can match it with the best on their good days with an emphatic win against the odds against the Crusaders in 2012, and will be looking to string together a stronger season yet again.  If the turnout at AAMI Park is indicative of their results this year, it’s going to be a good ‘un.  Let’s just beat the Sharks in Durban, please.  I may well never ask for anything ever again if that happens*.  (*Disclaimer – this is a flat faced lie, but there’s no harm in softening you up, Santa.)

Whilst we’re on rugby, Santa, I’d appreciate if the All Blacks lost EVERY. SINGLE. MATCH.  They’re already on a losing streak of one, I’d appreciate if you extended that. Significantly.

Team Red Bull to genuinely grow wings and fly away from Mark Webber

I don’t know whether it’s been the starts that have frustrated me more, or the obvious fact that he is clearly the second string driver, but maybe 2013 is the year that Mark Webber needs to leave Team Red Bull to see whether or not he has the ability to make it in a team that is not so far advanced over the others.

Let’s face it – he’s not as good as, nor will he be as good as – Sebastian Vettel; but he’s never going to get the chance to even have a crack at him with the current team orders structure.  Leaving Red Bull may be the very unleashing that he needs. (Alternatively, the view that if he can’t win being in the best team, he’s never going to win out of it may come into effect).

David Gallop to admit that he always had it in for Melbourne Storm, as they go back to back

Storm supporters have no doubt about it.  But let’s face it, now that David Gallop is no longer CEO and the absolute power of the NRL, there should be no reason why he can’t come out and say he hates Melburnians.  And Melbourne.  And Melbourne teams winning the northern states match at national level.

The boys had a cracking 2012 season, taking out the premiership – one that CAN’T (please Santa, no) be taken away from them.  It was above the table (please Santa) and will remain in the history books forever (please).  Going back to back will only make that sweeter.

Bismarck du Plessis

Okay, this one appearing in my stocking would be all kinds of awesome.

Collingwood Football Club to admit they have some of the most feral supporters in the league

Haha! Sorry, Santa.  But I had to put something on there that was just completely unattainable, even with divine intervention.

Melbourne Victory to beat the Melbourne Heart in the Melbourne Derby

Oh look.  It’s already happened.

AND LASTLY,

Australia to retain the Ashes on Australian soil

No one wants England to win here.  Anyone that does should be immediately deported.  Hell, they used to do it to us.

Thank you Santa.  Your attention to the above would be much appreciated.  In return, I’ve left some beers and cookies for you, some carrots for the reindeer and some vegemite for Mrs Claus to spread on the toast when you get home.  Just don’t drink the beers yet, as the police have a Christmas blitz on drinking and driving, and I think your airborne sleigh led by reindeer may qualify as a suspicious vehicle.

Love, Min

x

**Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all**

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